Grocery Shopping
by gamegurl mirai
Summary: The Titans go on an epic quest to re-stock the fridge. Except they've never been to a grocery store before.. COMPLETE!
1. The letter from the government

Hey there fellow internet junkies!! This is my first TT fic, so enjoy!! Please note that this fic is pre-written, and pretty good, according to my friends at school.. 12 one-sided college-ruled notebook pages! XD  
  
How this story came to be: Yes, I've always wondered: "Okay, so where DID BB get those tofu eggs??" and other related questions. So it dawned on me: SOMEONE MUST DO THE GROCERY SHOPPING *FOR* THEM!! Like, an old lady or something. I mean, do they REALLY have the time to shop? NO! they have to defend the city! So, I made a fic where they have to do shopping themselves.  
  
That's about it.. Please read and review.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Grocery Shopping  
  
By gamegurl mirai  
  
~*~*~*~*~**~*~  
  
"Dude! That was SO cheating!" Beast Boy growled, mashing the A button on his controller.  
  
"Is not!" Cyborg argued. "Yoshi is no match for Samus!" he stated, pressing random button combos so Samus would shoot massive bullets at a certain Hyrulian hero. "And you're ALWAYS Yoshi!"  
  
"What can I say? Yoshi has good taste," Beast Boy grinned. He liked green.  
  
The surround sound on the humongous TV screen was equally matched with the intense graphics.  
  
"Taste THIS!" Robin laughed as his character, Link, unleashed a fireflower attack on his opponents.  
  
"Super Squash? Again?" Raven rolled her eyes from the hallway, a fair-sized novel clutched in her hand.  
  
"Super SMASH," Beast Boy corrected, matter-of-factly, and looking quite insulted.  
  
"Come, Raven! Will you not enjoy the delightful sights and sounds of the Cube of Games with us?" Starfire asked cheerfully from her seat next to the boys on the couch.  
  
"No, I'll pass today.."  
  
A ring from the doorbell was echoed throughout the tower.  
  
"That must be the mailman," Robin said, getting up. "I'll get it."  
  
"Mail! The wonders of messages and packages sent from the wonderful postal workers of Earth!" Starfire sang, bouncing around.  
  
"Herbal.. Tea.."  
  
Robin promptly returned, hauling a huge sack of the usual fangirl letters to him in one hand, and a single, not-covered-in-pink-hearts-and-kisses- and/or-suggestive/rated-x letter in the other.  
  
"Aren't we supposed to get a package of groceries today?" Cyborg pointed out. He, Star, and BB had abandoned the TV to join Robin and Raven in the kitchen. (Raven was pouring tea. Robin, being earth-friendly, was dumping the contents of the sack into the trash compactor AND opening the letter AT THE SAME TIME! MULTITASKING!)  
  
"Hmmm.. 'Dear Teen Titans,'" he began.  
  
"'We are sorry to inform you that Mrs. Jeremiah has fallen ill..'"  
  
"You mean that old lady who gets our groceries for us?" BB asked, his face filled with concern. "Dude, she always gets me the good tofu---"  
  
Cyborg clamped a hand firmly over the green boy's mouth so that Robin could continue.  
  
"'..and therefore you must purchase your own groceries for the week at your local supermarket.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
The Government.'"  
  
"Grocery shopping?" Raven asked. "We're doomed."  
  
"'PS- enclosed are 500 dollars in cash.'" Robin added.  
  
"We're doomed," Raven repeated, sipping her tea.  
  
"We can't GROCERY SHOP," Beast Boy argued, slamming his fists on the table. "We're SUPERHEROES. We DON'T shop."  
  
"Speak for yourself," Cyborg said. "Besides, if we can beat giant fire monsters and defeat evil puppet kings, this should be a piece of cake."  
  
"Yeah, how hard could it be?" Robin shrugged, withdrawing the cash from the envelope and stashing it in his utilty belt. Of course, none of them knew what they were getting themselves into..  
  
"Then let the shopping of consumable items commence!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"There it is.. Buymart," Cyborg pointed at a building while closing his city database search program.  
  
"And our doom," Raven commented dully, as they descended.  
  
"Oh, this will be a most.. FUN.. experience!" Starfire said enthusiastically, too joyful to find the right words for the occasion. She was taking great care not to drop Robin in this excitement by accident.  
  
"Star.." Robin choked.  
  
"I cannot wait to learn of Earth's market customs, and-"  
  
"..fire.."  
  
"Yes, Robin?"  
  
"Can't.. breathe.." Robin gasped, his face slowly turning an odd shade of blue from starfire holding him too tightly in her immense joy.  
  
"Oh! My apologies, Robin!" she cried as they landed on the paved entrance- pedestrian-sidewalk-type.. area outside the store. A few old people were walking by, oblivious to the fact that a bunch of teenage superheroes in spandex, mechanical parts, and/or unnatural skin colors landed in front of them.  
  
They were pushing carts.  
  
"Ok," Robin cleared his throat. "First things first."  
  
"Cart," Raven said, summoning an empty shopping cart from the specified rows of metal cages with wheels conveniently attached.  
  
"How strange.. Metal cages with wheels conveniently attached," Starfire prodded at the cart.  
  
"Starfire, these are shopping carts," Cyborg politely explained.  
  
"We're doomed," Raven said again. She followed Robin inside, pushing the cart with her powers. The other Titans followed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yes, the end of the first of many glorious chapters. Ok, it might only be like 4 or 5, but whatever.  
  
Question for the grocery-shop knowledgeable: What are those bins that they use in the produce section? You know, those funny island things where they put stuff like apples, and have a pretty sign in the middle saying, "Red Delicious Apples: 50 cents a pound" and stuff.. I really need to know this. Ask your grandma. Mine's out of country, so I can't. T_T  
  
When this fic is finished, please look out for one more humorous fic and an actual STORY type thing from me!! YAY! I'll tell you more later.. ;)  
  
So review! And check out grandlethal . net for my lovely website and A ROBIN LAYOUT!! ^o^ WOOOOOOOOOT! 


	2. TOFU? WHERE?

5 reviews for only the first chapter?? Wow.  
  
Well, thanks everyone! Here is chapter two:  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~  
  
They gaped at the wondrous sight before them. Aisles of beeping and clicking cash registers stood in rows of more.. aisles to their far right, whereas in front of them was the produce department. Robin figured they should start there.  
  
"Titans, I figure we should start there," Robin said, pointing at the produce section in quite a heroic-leader manner. [Ok, so I like repetitive humor..] So, Robin led the way into the depths of the produce section.  
  
"Carrots are on sale.. 50 cents a pound [that's half a kilo for you Brits!]," Cyborg read the sign of an island-counter-bin-thing [no one knows what this is..] of carrots. He grabbed a clear bag from a roll and began piling them in. Starfire watched amazedly as he weighed them on a scale and announced the price.  
  
"Yeah, sure.." Beast Boy yawned, dumping an armload of romaine lettuce into the cart.  
  
"Hey! You can't just dump them in like that!" Cyborg yelled.  
  
"I agree. We must follow the custom of placing them in clear sealing utensils before we may purchase the produce."  
  
"Whatever.. let's just hurry up.."  
  
They continued along further.  
  
"Apples?" Raven asked Robin, who thought for a moment.  
  
"12."  
  
"..Bananas."  
  
"2 bunches."  
  
Starfire observed this closely as well. It wasn't long (meaning a watermelon and 10 pounds [5 kilos!!! XD] of potatoes later) before they reached the shelf of leafy produce and mirrored paneling..  
  
Beast Boy bent over to sniff some suspiciously familiar herbs.  
  
BEEP. BEEP--  
  
"What--?" Robin looked around for the source of the noise.  
  
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.  
  
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS......  
  
Yes, the misters. BB wasn't feeling so dray anymore, and everyone else was half scared to death by the sudden unexpected ejection of water.  
  
"What.. was that?" BB stammered. He then turned into a dog and shook off the water, and then changed back.  
  
"I fear we shall never find out," Starfire gulped.  
  
"Come on, we still got the rest of the store to cover," Robin pointed out, moving along.  
  
"Tell Beast Boy that," Raven muttered, watching a starry-eyed Beast Boy who was gazing longfully at a certain part at the end of the produce section.  
  
"..Tofu.." Cyborg smacked his head. "We shoulda known."  
  
"TOFU!" Beast Boy cried, hugging several boxes. "Miles and miles of it!"  
  
"More like shelves.." Raven corrected.  
  
"..Tofu." Beast boy was drooling.  
  
"Just TAKE some already, BB," Robin sighed.  
  
"OKAY!" Beast Boy exclaimed, turning into a grizzly bear and using the term 'bear hug' to his advantage. 1 1/2 armloads later, the cart was full and the shelves empty.  
  
"I said SOME!" Robin muttered. He began emptying some out.  
  
"Noooooooooooooooo!! My tofu!!" Beast Boy cried, launching his normal form on Robin and biting his head viciously.  
  
Spectators watched as the other 3 Titans pried BB's jaws (now a shark's) loose.  
  
"Okay.. Band-aid aisle.." Robin said woozily.. (Too much blood had been lost.)  
  
Several bandages later.. (You mysteriously can't see them)  
  
"Did we get sugar?" Cyborg asked, calculating something into his mind.  
  
"2 packages!" Starfire announced happily.  
  
"okay, now we should be in.." Cyborg began as Raven turned the cart into one of the most appalling places in any grocery store.  
  
"..The cereal aisle."  
  
Millions of boxes of all shapes [?!] and colors lined every inch of shelf space available to mortal objects.  
  
Raven summoned the first box she saw.  
  
"..Crunchy O's?! What kind of a lame cereal is that?!" Beast Boy demanded, staring at the plain box. Its lameness gave him a headache. He threw it out of the cart and began looking for something better. "Whats this-King Edward Bran?!"  
  
"How about Praktikal Jokes?" Cyborg suggested, holding up a box showing a white rodent and colorful, fruity cereal. "Or Admiral Crunch? 'We put the "ad" in "cereal".'" He read. [LMAO!!]  
  
"Cracker smacks?" Robin read. "I never knew there were so many cereals.. it's so hard to decide."  
  
"BEHOLD! The perfect cereal of awakening!" Starfire exclaimed, proudly showing everyone her discovery. "'Robin Crunchies! Now with marshmallow birdarangs!"  
  
"Ok! Next aisle," Robin declared, but not before grabbing a couple boxes of Robin Crunchies and tossing them into the cart.  
  
BB cautiously looked to see if Robin was watching, and put in a box labeled 'Tofu Crisp'.  
  
"We're doomed."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay, that was kinda short. I'm sorry. But I have homework to do! OH NO!  
  
So review and I might just upload ANOTHER chappy for the weekend! You have any idea how fast I'm rollin on this story? XD 


	3. NYQUIL!

Geez! 18 reviews already?!! WOW! I'm glad this fic is so successful! Thanks for you guy's input!  
  
It took me a while to put this chapter up; I entered this and another fiction (a spirited away one) in a school anime club's fanfiction contest, and since these two fics share a notebook, i couldn't type until I got my book back. But I did win first place and the imagination award!!! ^^ I don't even think I'm that good of a writer!  
  
Random answers to questions from reviews:  
  
1. Midnight Rose: Bandaids. They SHOULD be paying for these!! __ lets pretend they're already in the cart.. hey, you CAN try stuff in the store, but you also need to buy it too..  
  
2. Jikei: The one who commented that they work in a grocery store, and it would be nice if the Titans could get free samples of cookies. [you rock, Jikei!] Yeah! I cant believe I forgot to write about free samples!! And the whole reason why I GO to Costco [read: wholesale grocery store in California] is to GET THOSE FREE SAMPLES!  
  
3. iViper said I kept Raven in character. YAY! I do try. ^^  
  
4. MonkeyHood: I KNOW YOSHI AIN't HYRULIAN!!! He's a dinosaur! XO If you read the next paragraph you would know I was referring to Link.  
  
5. Anonymous: DISCLAIMER?! What do I need that for? Do I look filthy rich to you?  
  
Before you read, please note that the end of the chapter should not be read by squirmy little boys. Meaning, do not read if you are a boy younger than 13 and/or vastly educated in human biology and/or live with many females/sisters/etc. Do not blame me if you read too much! XD Girls shouldn't have any problems with this chapter, though. In fact, they might laugh their butts off.  
  
Okay, chapter three!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Grocery Shopping  
  
Chapter 3-  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Herbal Tea: check. Bulk package of cambell's soup: check." Cyborg went through his mental list, double checking for errors and mistakes.  
  
"The dairy section," Robin announced upon their arrival of said section.  
  
"We need milk and eggs."  
  
"Azarath, Mentrion, Zinthos.."  
  
Thus, the milk and eggs floated into the cart, from the fridge-like compartments in which they are kept at optimum temperature.  
  
"And soy milk!" Beast Boy added, slipping an extra carton in.  
  
"Look, Raven! It is the foundation pieces for the famous staple of luncheoning!"  
  
"They're called sandwiches, Starfire. And the 'foundation pieces' are bread slices."  
  
The Bakery section seemed to be crowded with carts and people alike. There was quite a lot of pushing and shoving, too.  
  
"What's going on?" Robin asked, straining on his toes to get a better look. Cyborg couldn't even see, and he was easily the tallest of the team.  
  
"I'll check it out," BB said. He transformed into a small parrot and flew above the crowd. "It's a 2 for 1 special on Wonder Bread!" he squawked.  
  
"Bread of wonder?!" Starfire gasped. "We must obtain it!"  
  
"Okay, we need to come up with a good plan.." Robin said, stroking his chin in an orderly manner. "Titans, huddle!"  
  
"I could---" Raven began.  
  
"B, you turn into a giant ape and wreak immense havoc and destruction in the canned foods aisle right there."  
  
"There's no---"  
  
"Then Cyborg and I will hold off the angry mob.."  
  
"Ugh. Whatever," Raven shook her head. She began chanting her three favorite words.  
  
"And Starfire can fly up there, grab some loaves, bring them back to the cart, and.." Robin's plans were THWARTED [God, I love that word.] as 2 loaves of bread descended like shadows into his hand, as if by magic.  
  
"Losers.." Raven muttered, pushing the cart along.  
  
"Robin, it truly IS bread of wonder!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Chips! YAY!" BB cheered, reading the aisle sign.  
  
"Lays," Raven said morosely, getting a bag of greasy potato chips.  
  
"And Tofitos!!" [LMAO! XDDDDD]  
  
"It never occurred to me how many products could be made out of this 'Tofu' material," Starfire remarked in amazement.  
  
"That makes two of us," Robin growled, glaring at BB. He grabbed 2 bottles of soda from the other side of the aisle, and placed them in the cart.  
  
2 aisles later..  
  
The titans found themselves in the medication aisle, colored boxes as diverse as.. the cereal aisle lining the shelves.  
  
"Candy!!!" Starfire exclaimed in sheer joy. She reached over to grab a box from the shelf. Upon receiving a box labeled "Ammodium AD", the front end of the shelf broke, causing boxes and bottles to topple to the ground, spilling their contents on impact.  
  
"Clean up, aisle 12!" said a nerdy voice from the heavens/  
  
"Voices from the heavens!!" Starfire cried, dropping her box in immense fear, and looking frantically around at the ceiling, only to find nothing but cheap ceiling tiles.  
  
"Do we need any---" Cyborg began, but noticed he was being left behind. Apparently, Raven was pushing the cart down the aisle, everyone else following blindly. He watched in shock as Raven summoned about 15 boxes of Nyquil.  
  
"H-how many are you getting?!" Beast Boy asked, his eyes open 3 times wider than they should be.  
  
Raven paused to count the boxes of the extremely strong and nasty medication. "I'm two boxes short."  
  
"WHAT?!" Robin exclaimed. "You need a PRESCRIPTION to take all those LEGALLY!"  
  
Raven narrowed her eyes in a silent but deadly glare, as if asking "So?" in quite a harsh manner.  
  
"We.. uh.." Robin stammered, trying to think of an excuse to keep Raven off overdosages in the near future. "We can't break the law. We're the ones who're supposed to STOP that.."  
  
"Next aisle.." Raven muttered, ignoring Robin and pushing the cart further. She pulled it around the turn, getting into another aisle.  
  
This aisle was stocked with plastic packages and cardboard boxes with funny- shaped white objects and strange labels.  
  
"Uhh.. where are we?" Cyborg asked, peering at a box labeled "Stayfree". The named sounded oddly familiar..  
  
"The sign says 'feminine needs', whatever that is.." Beast Boy shrugged.  
  
Raven was snickering maliciously, despite her emotion-control, and Starfire looked "blissfully unaware" [read: Zoids CC= Fiona. XD] of the situation as she grabbed a random box.  
  
"Feminine.." Cyborg began, shock and terror on his face.  
  
"..Needs?!" Robin gulped, his face matching the crimson of his shirt.  
  
"Hey, what's this?" BB asked curiously, grabbing a large box of Tampax Pearl in order to rip it open and find out its contents.  
  
"No! Don't---" Alas, Robin was too late in warning his friend.  
  
BB had ripped it too fast, and now the contents (complete with easy glide applicators) were strewn about, a couple hitting his head on the way down, courtesy of gravity.  
  
"Clean up, aisle 13!"  
  
Once again, Starfire was searching the air, with her eyes darting about for the source of the voice.  
  
"What are these for?" BB asked, to no one in particular, holding up a tampon.  
  
"Glad you asked," Raven smirked. Revenge would be hers..  
  
"W-w-w-w-we'll b-be in the n-next aisle.." Robin stuttered, wringing his hands nervously. He and Cyborg quickly grabbed BB and ran off down the aisle.  
  
"Raven?" Starfire asked curiously. "Why were Robin and Cyborg squirming so?"  
  
"Squirming.." Raven repeated. She liked that term. "Boys can't comprehend girls. The details make their brains overload, so they act like monkeys, due to immense stress on their pathetically tiny brains."  
  
"Ah. Raven, you are truly wise," Starfire said in awe. "I was thinking it was perhaps due to the fact that females go through monthly cycles which males find disturbing and equally embarrassing. But your explanation is much better!"  
  
"Yes. I know."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
PHEW!  
  
Okay, some random facts for you:  
  
One, I dressed up as the almighty Robin for Halloween! I even had birdarangs and threw them in class! XD  
  
Two, I'm applying for my first job at P&W Market, A GROCERY STORE!! GASP!!  
  
Three, my blankey just came out of the dryer and it is niiiiiiiice.. sooo warmmmmmm.. :3  
  
Four, go listen to Puffy AmiYumi, the band of two girls who sang the wonderful opening, closing, and scooby-doo chase scene songs for the glorious show that is Teen Titans!!!  
  
Five, REVIEW!!  
  
Six, the next chapter will be the last. Unless I come out with a sequel for this [hint hint ;)]. In the meantime, I'm writing an actual STORY fiction for TT, which is progressing quite nicely.  
  
And Seven, Arnold is one awesome governator.  
  
PS- If anyone knows when the new episodes of TT come on in America, please TELL MEEEEEEEEE! They're not playing new ones on Saturday anymore! 


	4. Bertha and The End

Woah! It's been a year since I updated!!! Well, I wanted to finish this story once and for all, so here it is: the last chapter. Enjoy and review!

* * *

"Two gallons of extra-fudge-chocolate-swirl vanilla ice cream: check,"  
Cyborg noted, following the other Titans down a frozen-food aisle.  
"10minute microwave tv-dinners: check..."  
  
"BB yawned." This is boring... Are we done yet?" He paused, maliciously eyeing  
some Tofu ice cream.  
  
Cyborg registered the box of instant-microwave-frozen-chinese-food (family  
size, of course) into his list. "Yes. We are officially done!" he announced  
proudly.  
  
"Okay, Titans! To the cash register!!" Robin exclaimed dramatically,  
purposefully pointing in the direction of the check-out aisles.  
  
Everyone stared.  
  
"... Must you do that?" Raven muttered darkly.  
  
Robin sniffed. "... Yes. It's my job as leader," he sobbed.  
  
Starfire patted his head comfortingly as the group made their way to an open  
register. "There, there, Robin... Raven just does not appreciate your  
wonderful leadership qualities, unlike the rest of us..."  
  
"87 items orless," Cyborg said, gazing at the sign hanging above that  
particular register they were at. "According to my calculations, we have  
exactly 87!"  
  
No one was listening. Robin was crying, Raven and BB were unloading the  
cart. As for Starfire...  
  
"Look! They have medication on these shelves!" she exclaimed, looking at the  
usual mints and bubblegum and chocolate that served as impulse-buys. She  
grabbed a package of Bubblicious and placed it on the conveyer-belt thing...  
Cyborg didn't notice... he was making sure the old lady was scanning the  
cereal right.  
  
"Mommy! Look!" cried a little girl from the next register. "It's the Teen  
Titans!"  
  
"That's nice, dear..." said her mother, writing out a cheque.  
  
"GASP!" gasped the register lady. "You have 88 items!!!"  
  
"... 88?" Cyborg blinked. "B-but.. that can't be right... NOOOOO! I  
MISCALCULATED!"  
  
"We're doomed."  
  
"I'm sorry, kids... the sign says '87 or less'," the old lady said  
redundantly, croaking in her graty voice.  
  
"It's only ONE! Can't you let us off?" BB asked, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry. I don't make the rules. You're gonna have to get rid of something or move to a non-express checkout."

With heavy discussion (taking remarkably and conveniently less than a minute) it was decided to let go of one of Raven's Nyquil. That left her about 14. At least she didn't cry, unlike BB did for keeping his tofu.

"Okay, kiddies, that'll be $501.32," the cashier announced, her wrinkly hand awaiting some Georges or Jacksons.

Robin extracted government's money from his utility belt and pushed it into her hands. She began counting.

She finished a while later. Cyborg poked BB awake, who had been drooling all over the conveyer belt.

"You're short $1.32," she croaked. Ribbit.

"W-what?!" Robin stammered. "That's right.. we only got $500.. Titans! Huddle!"

"Again?" Raven moaned.

"Empty your pockets.. check for spare change," Robin instructed. He managed to discover 3 quarters from his last purchase of soda.

Cy found 2 dimes, but unfortunately Raven and Starfire were broke. At least BB could turn into a rat.. he found a couple pennies under the counter. In total, it was only 97 cents.

"It's only 97 cents," Cy redundantly said. "We still don't have enough."

Grumbling, Robin collected the change. The lady narrowed her eyes at them, announcing their shortage once again.

"We're doomed."

"Look.. Bertha," Robin began, squinting at her name tag, "Couldn't you just let us off? It's only a few cents!"

Bertha stared at him, refusing to budge.

"... Come on! Don't you recognize us? We're the Teen Titans! The superheroes that save people like you from being overrun by mutant-alien monkeys bent on destroying the world!!!" Robin screamed.

"I'm sorry... Team Tooters... we can't give money to our customers.."

"AUGH! TAKE THE DAMN NYQUIL, LADY, AND LET US OUT OF THIS FORSAKEN ABYSS OR FEEL THE BURNING CINDER FURY OF THE CRIMSON CHAOS FIRE!" Raven shrieked, shoving a few bottles of her beloved (and much needed) Nyquil into Bertha's wrinkly hands. People stared.

"Thank you for shopping at Buymart! Have a nice day and come again soon," Bertha said, ringing up the register and giving Robin some change. Cy and BB were checking to see if their ears were still working. No one noticed that Star had bagged the groceries.

"Come again, my birdarang.." Robin grumbled as they went outside the store, Raven now pushing a cart of bagged groceries.

"Yes! We're done with the shopping!" BB cheered, stretching his arms out.

"Cy observed elderly folk loading their own groceries into their Oldsmobiles. "Guys, how do we get all this back to the Tower?"

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

**THE END!**

* * *

Phew! Hope you liked! The end was kinda weird. I wrote all this WAY before Cy built the T-car and.. yeah.

Please leave me a nice review, and also read my other TT story, "Auctionable Love", which is (as I've heard) incredibly funny. And its by me. So you'll love it, of course. ;) It's got a LOT of Robin humor involving disturbed fangirls. Truly wonderful.

Have a nice day!

-Bob-chan


End file.
